Leveling Up – Day 3

What a difference 2 days can make.

I feel like I had a breakthrough yesterday guys. It’s true what they say about the mental energy a thought can take up in your mind.

My husband and I started a theatre company with our two besties in 2018 and we had an amazing time. It was stressful as all heck, but we had a great time. We put on a show and two fundraisers last year. We had plans to do a second show but it didn’t pan out. Creative differences happened between our writer and ourselves and so we had to let that go.

It was fine. But due to the stress of that and our jobs, my husband and kind of feel like we’re not getting anywhere. It’s not quite a business and it’s not quite a hobby but it was becoming a full-time job when it was meant to be a fun thing. We felt guilty about having these feelings o wanting to leave the company because it is helping so many people and we want to help a ton of people. There’s not a whole lot of places you can go to in L.A or the O.C that will cast you as an actor if you don’t look a certain way – skinny, white, tall, male. The Misfits Theatre Company is not like that. It never was like that. Our goals when we started was to bring the community together with every show by having a community contribution program and to showcase actors that are so talented but get overlooked because they’re not the “right look.”

The Misfits is a place anyone can go regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. It’s regardless of bias. We care about one thing- talent. You’ve got it? You’re in.

It’s simple, and it works. We got RAVE reviews on our first show with word of mouth compelling people who didn’t go to reach out to us to tell us they heard about our show and were sad they missed it. It was amazing! So the guilt we felt ran pretty deep. We didn’t wanna even talk about leaving this community of amazingness, but last night we had a board meeting and my husband and I finally shared these doubts we’ve had about staying. We’re in the middle of putting together a show right now, so we’re committed to that, but afterwards, we’re going to take a look at and evaluate the board. I may be stepping down. It was a tough conversation to have last night but a necessary one. I don’t get the same enjoyment out of this as everyone else. I’m not helping to build a theatre company, I’m helping to build more of a theatre club (because that is more of what the CEO wants it to be) and I know me and all the effort I am putting in isn’t to build a club. I also don’t get any fulfillment from that. I’m not an actor and i have no intention of being one, so while the other board members are and get fulfilled by being part of this while being on stage, I don’t get that same payoff. To me it’s a chore. and i explained that and they understood.

And after our long talk, i felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me. It was great. and this is where the breakthrough happened.

I was taking a shower when suddenly an idea came to me for the business I am creating. A brilliant idea. I was thinking about purpose and asking myself tough questions about my business. What is going to make it different? Why would people care about it? Why would i care about it? Is it a hobby or a business? And most importantly of all – am i passionate about this?

It all came to me in the form of a product I can sell that I would be passionate about and would help others at the same time. It was sparked by an interview I had listened to yesterday morning about business getting involved in social change. It was with the founder of Tom’s Shoes. And he said something that really stuck with me. He said it was never about the shoes, it was about giving. The shoes were a means to an end. And that really resonated with me.

It’s not a fleshed out idea, so I’m not gonna talk about it here just yet, but needless to say, I am very EXCITED.

And I don’t think i could’ve come to that had i not made the space for it mentally and energy wise. Had I kept my feelings of guilt and worry about letting my fellow board members down to myself, I would’ve never had enough mental energy to think about the new possibilities and new ideas in my business.

I knew my dreams and goals weren’t the same as our CEO’s when she said that she would easily burn the midnight oil to work on things for the theatre company with a smile on her face. I wouldn’t. and that leads me to a quote i once read: “if you can’t stop thinking about it, don’t stop working for it” because that’s the kind of thing one burns the midnight oil for.

It’s what your daydreams are made of.

Well, I’ve spent a great deal of time on this and I’m running late for work now hahaha.



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